My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
