Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
