My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Mom said you looked used
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
