the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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