Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Randomize
