i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
