That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
