the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
