Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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