alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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