my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
