I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
3 2 1 whiskey
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
