So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
