God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
