Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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