90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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