Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
