It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
