I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
