I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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