Only a mothe r could love this liver
I met the friendliest cop last night
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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