i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize