Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
