I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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