what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize