You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
