i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
