Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize