i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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