He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
