Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
