i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You were trust falling into bushes
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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