this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
