he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
