im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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