I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
