a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
