They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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