I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
