My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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