You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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