You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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