I wish my penis had an off switch
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
