ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
