This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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