Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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