i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
