like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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