Duck Duck Cougar?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
