the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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