What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
