just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize