It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
