I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
