so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
