I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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