At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
