Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
