i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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