Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
