sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
