Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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