I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
