Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
