Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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