that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
