It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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