apparently the secret to your success is patron
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
