i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
