Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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