I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
