woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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