Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize