the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
