Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
