You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
