...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
