I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
