it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize