just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
