I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
