shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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