just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
