As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
