i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
