no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
