chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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