If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
