i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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