areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
