I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
