Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
