you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
