I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
