i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
