I wish my penis had an off switch
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's official drugs can't kill me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
