I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
