honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
