I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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