No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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