You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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