I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
