I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
