that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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