The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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