I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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