she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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