I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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